giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
