Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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