and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
