My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
