i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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