Swine flu. Run for my life!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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