My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
