The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
