I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At least life still wants to fuck me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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