that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
