ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
