I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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