You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you will always have a special place in my vag
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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