My first STD was from a foam party
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
