At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
