i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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