i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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