im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
