didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
