My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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