smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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