"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
