i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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