Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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