Yo dont text me then not text me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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