so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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