soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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