Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
