ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
