Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
