Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
