the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
