uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
