Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
