How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My cat gives me a boner
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
