Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
In America we eat man semen.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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