never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
