I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
