$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
