My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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