hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
