shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
