no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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