hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
