According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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