youre lurking in front of me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
