she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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