If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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