stop calling my apartment porn island.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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