i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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