Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
