There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this just has baby written all over it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
