Whats the glycemic index on semen?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
