I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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