And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
