i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
